A post without pictures.
Why?
Because the words are what needs to be seen today!
Do you remember the first time you really understood how powerful the role of “Mother” is? For me it took a while, I didn’t have that euphoric, heaven opening choir of angels singing when my daughter was born as I has been lead to believe. Instead after 54 grueling hours of labor when she came into this world, caught in the loving hands of her father and trusty midwife and placed on my chest I remember whispering, “Oh my baby, my baby, my baby” over and over again and as I stared down at this new creature, my daughter but the shocking part was I didn’t recognize her. You know how you can look at your best friend in the eyes and you FEEL soo much, memories whiz by and you FEEL something for him/her, that friendship, that kindred spirit? I didn’t have that when I looked at her and it terrified me. I remember looking at her and the moment she was born this powerful primal instinct was unleashed and I had a fierce desire to protect her and give here everything but that connection, that euphoric life altering moment of deep love and connection like I had imagined would happen at her birth didn’t happen. Was I a bad mother, maybe there was something wrong with me, why didn’t that happen? For weeks, heck months went by and I cared round the clock for this little creature through sleepless days and nights, the moment still didn’t come, and I started to doubt myself more and more and kept my secret silent. I loved her, but I didn’t have that connection, what was wrong with me? Finally one night, when she was about 4 or 5 months old she got her first cold and I remember that my husband, who was very hands on, tried rocking and consoling her for hours to try and let me sleep was unsuccessful so he placed that crying baby in my arms, and in the darkness of her room, and I sat in the antique rocking chair, half asleep, drained and emotionless and she buried her little face into my arms and took a few of those shaky deeps breaths that they do after they have been crying and finally find a source of comfort, and she looked at me square in the eye and fell asleep….. THEN… THAT moment… the heavens opened and I understood it, I had my moment, I was her MOTHER , a role so great and mighty and powerful that no one could compete. I had the ability to give her comfort at a level no one else could, because I carried her in my heart and body for 9 months where she felt safe and loved and grew and when she went back into my arms that same safety net of love and support surrounded her and she felt untouchable…….. MOTHER such a powerful word and role. To many of us it comes easy and natural and right away but to many, like myself, the journey to discover the real meaning behind that words and our moment when we realize just how important we are doesn’t happen at birth…… it can be weeks or months later. I’m here to say, “that is ok” you will have your moment, there is nothing wrong with you. Our journey is unique and different and we each have our moment when the time is right. So for all those new mamas out there that are silently questioning themselves and their emotions, looking for that moment when they look into their child eyes and really see that deep connection, it will happen and when it does the wait will be worth it! XOX Maria
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